YOE-ism

The other side of me was saying this…..again n again, repeating, reiterating, should i keep on procrastinating things? if i do, am i letting good life runs away from me? what will i miss? what am i waiting for? what else do i want? and even if i’m so certain with what i want, i’m still not sure it will bring me an anticipated happiness.

”Why do you spend all your time
Watching life pass you by; Hanging on to your pride
All that you can anticipate
Hoping all your mistakes will somehow fade away
What are you to do with this
It’s either hit or miss
You know the answer now; Come on, give your heart away
I know you hurt inside; I know the reason why
Don’t wait a moment; Come on and give you heart away

Why the hesitation
God is ever waiting
Gotta’ stop procrastinating; Can you feel me
Why the hesitation; You can pick your destination
And the risk is so worth taking; Can you hear me?”

O God, help me for being too fragile to decide, and too falter to choose.Pls..

Living in a so-called single life is such a wonderful moment for me, and even for some of us. Well, the guys are still all around us but after we had been going through some broken relationships, we really, really do need a break!

As for me, i laid back for almost half a decade-trying to live on my own without having anyone to get on my nerves when i need do my thing. As far as i’m concerned, many impacts seemed to soar when i started to abandon the beau type of relationship:

• First of all, the most obvious thing - when we left this type of relationship, we will realize that another type of relationship is awaiting us i.e. friendship. I may not being very accurate here for saying that a better friendship may arise due to the previous broken relationship that we had with our ex or exes but it did happen to me. i was only 21 when i started to get off from any love relationship in my life. i might still get bothered by some guys - who seemed to know that i was now available at that time - but the feeling within me to start things all over again in this unstable, uncertain relationship is no longer there. I would call myself a fickle when it comes to a love relationship but at the same time, i’m not that easy to commit myself into it either. so, to simplify things, just let it be and stay single as long as you could - well, it’s encourageable for you to date someone once in a while, but do not commit into things which you aren’t sure you would act so. And it was true indeed, back in uni times, i preserved myself too much. i refused to join any side activities just to avoid any admiration or pop-up fans around me. so, i just stayed back in my dorm, or just did some hang-outs with my gurls. and it was darn FUN! it was a bit lucky for our gurls at that time cuz everyone was single but not ready to mingle.some of us do have a bf but the relationship didn’t distract our friendship at all. and of course, there were certain times, i heard 1-2 of us were crying, screaming but we managed to fix things out together, and that was the best things about our friendship. and not to mention how many times our dorm neighbourhood was doing door slamming with some foul words, trying to shower us with water, for being extremely crazily noisy while playing UNO card game. but now that time has gone and how hard i’ve been wishing for that time to resurge.
• 2ndly, by having a friendship and simultaneously, a broken relationship, u will realize who are among your friends who are really ur friends. i may not have hard time while breaking up, but rather a great relief which was inexplicable with words, but not all of us were this lucky. i had few frens who had gone almost mad after a split-up, but with a good support from a few good friends from them, they managed to re-fix their wings and ready to fly. and how i’m glad to know that they had actually survived! so, goin thru rough time like this, friends are highly neccessary! those broken-hearted people should never be left alone moping around with their own misery, we should always be with them and make them realize, that there are something else which are more worthwhile than their bloody EX!
• 3rdly, being single after attached for some time could give you some space to ponder, what exactly dya expect from your partner later on? and  it’ll open new space for you to meet new people as well, and let you to do some comparisons with one another. don’t preserve urself too much just like my frens and i did to ourselves cuz good opportunities don’t come always.

anyway, that was history. have you ever been wondering how life’s so torturing when it comes to making a decision? in selecting a soul-mate i.e a life partner definitely is not an easy task cuz when making a choice, we may come up with a gist of names of who should we go for. is it the one with good looks, less decent, admirers all around and lack of stability? or maybe the one with not-so-good-looks but very attentive, very decent and loving and so-so stability? or maybe the one with so-so looks, also very caring and decent and quite well-off financiallY? or maybe the one with very good-looks, good money too, tender lovin care too, but too wild to tame their social life? for me, it doesn’t matter how many ‘how the guy appears to be’ u can have, it just comes to one solution, i.e how comfortable u can be whenever u r with the guy. Yes indeed, u need security in life i.e being financially stable but at the same time, would u be in peace if ur partner goofing around with some other younger gurls when u’ve reached ur 30’s as he still retains the looks and the money getting more handsome day by day? i wouldn’t. even those yg burok pon kdg2 miang nk mmpos..

so, maybe for me, being comfy with my partner, and able to trust him, although not wholeheartedly and even if he broke at certain times and not able to respond to your shoes, bags, or cosmetics is always better rather than feeling insecured with his social life later on. yerlaa…dah kate ensem, duit pon lebat..ha, mmg kene byk tanye kabar laa kan….as my mom always said, "ensem bkn leh buat ko kenyang, lame2 berkedut jugak." she’s right, absolutely right! and another thing is her remark regarding rich guys, "mmg best byk duit, he can afford you all those designers’ brands but at the same time, dier asik x der kat umah, meeting sane sini, function till mlm2 bute, ko nak tido pon x lena! tah bape byk pompuan dier dh pegang kat luar sane! ko bleh tenang ke?" again, she’s right!

so, how? well people, everyone has their own luck in their own way. kalo nak kire, seme kite nak purrfect! we want security in anything, everything right? but that’s life - meant to be defected here and there. it will depend on our luck anyhow, so, all we can do is, just pray the best for ourselves and hopefully, God will abstain us from any harm in our relationship later on. and if it happens, by His will, we will survive and managed to get over with it.

p/s: btw, someone tried to touch my heart in a very simple way. and to tell u the truth, he made it!

Years passed by, and somehow our past still colours up our minds…

stiffness holds our hearts, could be pains, or could be tears are the barriers….

fear of losing, fear of doing the same mistake haunt us, which are now becoming the impedements for us to move a level ahead.

i can’t seem to move my feet to your stairs, too much memories of yours are keeping me still, petrified, and waiting for miracles to change me if we are meant for each other.

somehow God knows best, we may plan, we may try, but only HIM to decide whether we can make it or it’ll be in wry.

i don’t know how to say this but i think i’m a bit disappointed with my choice when i assisted D to get CaroL a gift for our ladies night. i was wandering in One Utama last Saturday and i crashed into Marks n Spencer for it’s biggest sale of the year. I was a bit stunned with the price, cuz i was there with zul last 2 weeks and the sale hadn’t even started yet. he bought few shirts for more than rm150 each i think - when they were at their original prices, but that day, it was depreciated to a fix, value buy price ranging from rm69 to rm89! i can’t help laughing, as if taunting at zul,,hehhe,,,,zul, i know ur mad,,,but that’s life..ahaks! i texted him instantly and not even few minutes later, he called me! he almost screamed his heart out and i just couldn’t stop swanking at him how i’m glad to be in Kay EL!heheheh….

i browsed thru the ladies’ stuff and i saw quite few good bargains on bags (i almost bought one!), blouses and skirts. so, i found one nice blouse, which was left with one size, one colour and one piece! i tried it on, it fit nicely but i tot it’d better if i walked the whole OU first before i decided to buy. as i strolled, i called D up and i asked her what did she buy for her partner, and she said, she hadn’t buy anything! so, since i was already at the mall, i offered to buy on behalf of her. so, to sum up things, i just bought her the Marks n Spencer’s blouse dat i tried juz now for her partner. (Coincidentally, Carol’s bod is almost as mine, so i assumed that the blouse will fit her nicely.) but the unfortunate part was, when she tried the thing back home, it wasn’t her size! the blouse seemed to slide down her shoulders and empty spaces were everywhere!

i was on leave yesterday when D called me informing bout the blouse. and of course, i was a bit foiled, since i was the one who did the buying. so D came up with a suggestion that she will substitute the gift and the blouse will be my burfday gift in advanced! haha! can u believe that? that thing was written in heaven that it’ll be mine somehow!i was a bit falter, feeling glad and thwarted at the same time.

but anyways, i’d thank D for her kindness - not blaming me for the mistaken gift, and thanks for her generosity - for the burfday gift althou my burfday is few months ahead. and plus i know, what would she do with the blouse, even if she grew fatter twice than now, she couldn’t never get to my size! hahaha….

CaroL,,,so sorry for the size. which part of ur torso is actually smaller than mine? urmm…hihi…

Love ya’ll gals sooo muchh!

Last 17th’s night was really a blast - my gurls and i were having such a wonderful treat in movenpick marche. The enthusiasm that we felt that day was great - it was highly anticipated by all of us, since we were gonna exchange kinda friendship’s gifts - so, at 1st all of us were in delusion of what to buy but yea, finally that night, we made it, everyone had come with their gifts in hands.

we left office quite early that day in order to get off from traffic jam struggle, i.e damansara is not a joke when it comes to traffic jam issue. it’s just as severe as KL. D and i followed the KLIA hi way - the route was very smooth - i’m not sure if it’s because of the right timing or maybe no one is interested to go that way since the toll is such a pain in the arse! once in a while would be fine, but i don’t think anyone would prefer to use that way to commute to their work place everyday! but it was fast, no hassle at all.

so, we arrived at the curve when time was reaching 5pm and call me whatever, but that was my 1st time steppin into the place. the 1st thing dat ‘awed’ me wuz - the parking lot! what kind of parkin lots on earth were that? we were a bit puzzled with the turnings, and the divisions of the spaces…huh! but as usual, i broke the rule, and to simplify things, i just followed the ‘no entry’ path.

anyway, d and i arrived a bit earlier than the rest of us. but it wasn’t that long to wait for them before we headed to movenpick. since all of us were aliens to this place, the waitress outside had to explain to us how to go about the restaurant. indeed, it was like a market, where we shop for raw materials and the cooks will do the cooking in front of us. we really had a great chill in there, but not much food can be taken - damn full! we took different dishes, so that we can taste different things at one time without wasting too much money. we had a passport to be stamped everytime we took a dish and we can’t lose it or else, 200bucks will be charged! darn scary!

we took whatever we want, and within 30mins, we were totally puffed up! i just couldn’t drink a sip of drink at that time, or else i’ll puke! i only took tuna salad, mashed potato - d guy handled the potato was sooo cute! hehe…..i had a pineapple juice - sugarless but so sweet. i shared a cheese chicken hotdog with D, couldn’t finish it either. i wanna try the pizza and steaks some other time. i even had some cake by ellie, only one bite, couldn’t help to swallow more. we talked and laughed the whole way, many things were left unsaid since all of us were extremely occupied in the office - not much time to spend on dirty and silly jokes. some waiters were eyeing us, yea, we were very loud that day, some even chuckled for our bad nature that day.

it was so cool, we had few pics snapped around the curve, and we even planned to hold another day like this. i’m not sure what event and where it’s gonna be, but maybe we might go for bowling, movies or even theme-park. well, i guess time will decide cuz february is gonna be the killing month for all of us! all products are in and i doubt the fabulous time like this will come again to us.

to all my gurls, u guys are marvellous! i really enjoyed myself..i’m hoping this wonderful friendship will never end, and to ellie, tx for the gift. it’s such a thierry mugler’s angel in disguise. ok gals, till next time,,,any event with all of us, i’m IN!

I would get offended sometimes, when people just couldn’t pronounce my name properly. It happened few times, from all sorts of people, ranging from strangers, newly met friends and even lecturers! they will get my name right IF i just told them verbally, but when it comes to spelling, many have got really confused.

Since my "noor" and "yohana" are attached together, many have got me by name of Noory! what on earth is that kind of name? and not to mention how many people had actually adressed me with a bunch of weirder names such as , "hayona, yahona,hanayo" Oh my God!! there goes a tribute to one of my previous lecturers back in uni times, and i had to correct him everytime he called my name up for attendance and he had caused the whole class to mock my name again n again! Cool huh? at first, i was, yea, a bit startled and offended, but since it happened almost everyday, i would take it as a less serious issue which may deserve a big laugh! ape yg bebal sgt lecturer nie?

and there was one time on phone when i was talking to a govermental body’s officer, and he asked my name, ic no and stuff, so, i just plainly told him, " yohana, sir" dya know what he actually replied me?? "urmm….sorry, is it yokohama?" Ya Allahhhh!!! rase nak bagi penampa pon aderrrrr! i was yea, rounded my eyes, shocked and sick, but i managed to chuckle a bit, but i heard nothing on the other line, so, it means that, he didn’t mean any harm, he was darn serious about the yokohama thing!

and the worse part is, some even want to call me anna, instead of what i prefer—> yoe! konon nyer,,anna sounds more feminine, sweeter! BLeh BLah!!! i dun care how it sounds, i juz like YOE so much, so, it has to remain!to call me yoehana is always better than anna! geli giler seh!

anyway, today is supposed to be a brighter, more cheerful day, and i’m expecting greater moment to be seized at the end of the day.

Finally, the most anticipated event of the month is drawing near! I’ve talked about this in one of my posts last month, that few colleagues and i will be heading to Movenpick, The Curve for our first ladies night’s event! i think we’ll be having more fabulous hang-outs after this, i think i’m really enjoying it!

so, we’ve promised to exchange gifts with each other and i’ve got one for my gift partner. it was such a hassle when i was trying to buy ‘this’ thing for her cuz deep within me, i was frantically wanting it toooo!!but eventually, i managed to fight the imbedded fiend deep inside of me, and i’ve wrapped the gift asap so that i wont have to see it ‘waving’ and ’seducing’ me. it’s not that i would change my mind either to present it as a gift or otherwise, but rather, i would buy another one for myself! Dats the freak in me!!!

anyway, i’m planning to leave a bit earlier than usual tomorrow, cuz i’m not goin to strand myself in the burning traffic jam which usually starts to glide around 4.30 to 5.30pm. and in some places, it even starts at 3.30pm! i just can’t believe these people, aren’t they supposed to work? i know i’m part of them too, but how come everyone is having some other agendas besides going to work?

so, i’m really hoping everything will run smoothly tomorrow. one of my colleagues is fighting her heart out to meet her deadline. we shall wait for her, cuz she might want to leave the office quite late but still, the night won’t start without any of us!

Peace to ya CaroL,,,,i really hope u can make it!

I may cause some radiation of perplexity with the title of this post. But yea, there’s something that i need to share with all of you this time around.

Few months back, all of us in the office had been to put to a test - more to personality queries which actually test out our brain function, and how it actually helped/ or worsened our job performance since all of us are naturally born with certain traits and of course, the environment did play a very important role for us to create another new trait, to do more or to do less the existing nature traits that we had within us - those traits that we actually inherited from our parents.

The objective of this test is to help individuals and organizations think, learn and work more effectively thru the use of the whole brain technology. So, as a result, i’ve got mine yesterday, and as expected and very satisfying indeed, i’m very much slanted to the red quadrant - which named as ‘feeling self’ quadrant. Some of us were actually surprised with the results, some even went, "i never knew that i’m this blue" and some denied, "i’m not green at all!", But for me, i just laid back peacefully, nothing to whine about cuz everything seemed so ME! I’m just red!

For those in red quadrant, they’re very expressive, and thanks to this moles all over my lips which contribute to my frankness, wordiness and bluntness i shall say. They have very high inclination towards music, humanistic, and a bunch of people who can be very emotional at certain extent. The best things about the REDS- they’re helpful, friendly, love charity, communication and people which i think very true indeed, cuz that’s what i see in other REDS in this office. But there’s one trait of REDS that i think very contradict to me is; REDs are SOFT people. I’m quite unclear bout the interpretation of soft, but if it refers to the way i act, it’s definitely a no-no.

Besides RED, i’m quite yellow too, so, it means that i’m using more right brain cuz these both colours are meant for the right cerebral and right limbic. Yellows are the imaginative, holistic and FUN type of people. i think that’s right as well…hehehe….

anyway, as related to the working preference, we’re encouraged to be in GREEN quadrant in respect to be very detailed, organized and sequential. That’s the nature of my work and the moderator even stated that the REDs really need high effort to be in green quadrant, really need to push themselves to observe rules, procedures which such a hassle for a rule-breaker like me.

While those in blue, they’re very rational, analytical and logical. Those engineers, IT experts, doctors and scientists are those who are very BLUE! no wonder they don’t know how appreciate sentimental values as much as the REDs and Yellows. This test is really fun! They’re so accurate to the extent they can deduce your hobbies and type of occupations that suit you.

and for me, such a satisfaction to be in RED quadrant, but well, quite difficult to adapt myself working in GREEN sector - no human beings are involved but static figures and beings, which bring out the very lonely moment in me.

The latest single by Ashlee simpson - L.O.V.E is really a something to me. It makes me realize that in any perfect relationship we’re in with our boo, we should always reserve another relationship; friendship. In this song, it emphasizes on how a boyfriend can be so torturing sometimes, but when we have our gurlfriends around, things won’t be that bad. It indeed cures the emptiness that we felt at that moment.

But of course, as i’ve always stated in my other previous posts, there are 2 types of friends: a) those who are glad with ur success, pray more will come for u, and the one who could stay calm whenever you’re walking, people will stare at u and not them. and the second one is: b) feeling restless everytime you’re on top of something good, but keep on pretending they’re ok with it. in fact, unexpectedly, they’re praying for your downfall.

i’ve met many such people, both categories, and for that, being sceptical in anything is always a must for me at the moment and i will always will. you’ll never know what is coming for you, and being careful in everything is such an obligation. and you will never know how sincere a person can be towards you, esp when you have some specialities or strengths, which they don’t possess. 

I have a lot of bad habits, or i shall call as bad spontaneity within me. and some can cause trouble to myself and some could cause some kind of annoyance to the people around me. remember the previous post that i did, yea, on the king kong show. and i shall reiterate it here again, that, some scenes in the movie deserve a big guffaw. and yes, spontaneously, i can’t help from laughing out loud in the cinema. well people, i’m not talking about the birds-chirping sound but rather an additional sound effect of the cinema - which capable to add another echo to the hall! luckily that night, another of mine was also, yea, the shrieking laugher, was willing to join my force of laughing. for me, i’m used to it for a long time - everytime i dine my eyes on any comedy/ horror movie, the audience seem to be disturbed by me. haha, serve ‘em right! it’s a public hall for God’s sake!

but it’s out of constraint, i tried to push my palms around my mouth when a suspense or shocking scene was expected, but when it came to life, i lost my hands and my mouth started to yell again! it was darn loud, ya know. the audience seemed to jump out from their seat because of me, and not the movie! can u believe that? the same thing happened when i view any comedic scene, i just couldn’t help laughing out loud, and the sound was horrible. a few times i received harsh reprimand from the audience, such as, "can u please?", "shut up ar wei..", "ha ila, ape hal gelak camtu tu?" and to make it worse, some even raised up the f*** hand sign before me.

the same thing happened when we were watching king kong, few people in front of us, just couldn’t stop tilting their heads over us everytime we were laughing. but luckily, no one said anything, just some kind of uncomfortable signs were displayed. first of all, they movie deserved a big laugh, that’s no doubt, but yea, we might go overboard with our laughings. secondly, it’s a public viewing area, you can’t expect everyone else to be as decent as you are while watching a movie? you can, but not here! and of course, i wouldn’t laugh or scream on a romantic, or tragic scene where the scenes really need high concentration and interpretation. that’s definitely out of reason!

i only have few friends who could stand with me for any horror/ comedic type of movie. most of them couldn’t. and i don’t blame them for feelin so, cuz they could’ve gone deaf to sit beside me all the way. there was one incident, where my friends and i coincidentally sat beside our male uni mate in a comedic movie. there were 3 of us, so i took the middle seat, and right after that, then we realized that the guy was sitting beside us. so, we just said hi and stayed focus to the movie. yes, the movie was hilarious indeed and there i was, laughing out loud as i usually do. i think the guy was a bit freaking out and he just accosted one of my gurlfrends beside him, "y is yoe laughing like that?" and this friend of mine, who was such a pain in the arse sumtimes, replied, "hey, this is her minimum voice, u should be with her in any scary movie, then, u’ll know." i just couldn’t believe she actually said that! and the moment she told me that, i couldn’t help laughing again. and then i know how freaking out people can be with my voice. few other friends of mine (guys and gals) who went out with me to a movie for the 1st time were terribly shocked! well people, that adds more thrill to what u are watching! so guys, what are you waiting for, come and add me in your movie-watching friends’ list!