YOE-ism

At last, the most so-called awaited day of the month had come to my errand. Want to have a wild guess? Yea, as being exaggerated in my few posts back, I had my feet back on the earth of IIUM – cherishing the moment of its annual convocation. But of course, I only attended the fiesta they held – went around the bazaars and stalls. But I was, yea, kind of embarrassing why on earth did I ever get overjoyed with it, so, to twist things around, I created a moment of reunion with few of my best girlfriends. Only few came – as I always expected. We had our dinner together, thanks to “spec and her man” for the dinner. I know I was a bit gluttonous that night. Supposedly, all of you should understand, I haven’t had good food for some time - just to abide myself to all the compelling rules of my “DIET – Dare I Eat That”, and as a result, once in a while (although it’s not precisely true), I should appear hungrier than ever! To Jan and Elley, thanks for coming. It was highly appreciated, although we didn’t spend much time walking together.

And the main appearance, as I’ve waited for months to meet up- Malin, you came at last! And as I’ve learned from your traits all this while, you never broke your promises, didn’t you? Yes, you are right, I was a bit messy with my ice cream that day, but you should try when I offered it to you, it was super-soft and dripping all over was highly inevitable! The scarves we bought together were great, never felt much complacent as this!

The night at your house was a superb moment, I can still recall the lingering scent of the “aircraft lavender” that you had in your room. We were too flat to talk about our “core purpose”, thus, TV watching and laid down were more like it. But still, we did talk and talk with the lights off, and the issues were definitely sealed as Private and Confidential I supposed?:-D

Do pardon for my 8.30am Subh prayer, it was an unplanned plan. Thanks for my bladder for its quick signal. Yikes! Anyway, the lunch we had in Delifrance was a blast too! Yea, you’re right again, about the waiter - he’s not that cute, but his acts were mind-blowingly cute! The fish wasn’t that nice, now I regret I didn’t have the lamb instead. The discussion really inspired a high level of dreams and ambitions. I really hope we can make something out of it one fine day.

In Padini, yes, the spree was great. And indeed, Putera surprisingly liked your choice!

And hey dear Malin, thanks for everything k? I don’t mind the mess of your house, I’m used to your style already, and you never actually orderly neat enough, right? Haha! And I’m expecting more upcoming glorious time together in the future, really expecting!*

*as you know what I mean.

Back in the office today, we had lot of fun in our crossed-culture’s outfits and poises. As for me, just trying not to be very outstanding over the rest, I just wore my samfu top with a black skirt; which doesn’t look Chinese at all. Anyway, my effort of getting this new top should be highly appreciated, since oriental style had never been my favourite selection all this while. And definitely, there was nothing else provoked me onto this top except for obliging my monthly office’s theme – Malaysian National Day.

We even had much fun with the photography sessions – we were combating with few other teams to produce the best pose with our national outfits! But the results are not out yet. Might be, next week, I could update you which team had actually won and the picture will be ALIVE here in my blog!

Anyway, for the sake of parading the moments we had down here in WoltersKluwer, here are the precious faces and jiffies of all of us. 

Let me guide you with the pics.

1. Here are the precious hearts for my soul. Great girlfriends indeed. We had nice farewell lunch for my beloved Deena.

2. Here are some wackies and beauties of the company.

3. And here are our efforts to come up with the best pose. Didn’t work as planned. I wish all of us would be more participative. We might lose it all, or even disqualified for insufficient number of the members, but yea, those who did well, we owe each other now. Good luck!

Which one are you?

Girlfriend 1:

-         Always there for me

-         I’ve shared my utmost secret with her.

-         Always tried her best to spare some time with me; for nice girls’ stuff like shopping and dining.

-         Good advisor, although many stories of her remain unknown to me.

-         I’ve presumed her as secretive, she denied few times, but still I think I’m right.

-         Very generous.

-         Keep her mouth shut about her past and always a step ahead for a better day.

-         Shared few important interests with me.

-         Seems to appear as a reliable friend.

Girlfriend 2

-         A bit dependent.

-         Emotional, too many thoughts on trivial matters.

-         Easily panicked and jumpy on uncertain issues.

-         Very generous.

-         A good listener cum advisor.

-         Shared few important interests with me.

-         I’ve shared few crucial histories of life with her.

-         Not much of hardheaded attitude I see in her.

-         Whines a lot.

-         Seems to appear as a reliable friend.

Girlfriend 3

-         Emotionally strong.

-         Highly independent.

-         Always try to spare some time to accompany me whenever requested.

-         A great weeper. 

-         Shared her ups and downs wholeheartedly with me. I’m so glad.

-         I’ve shared great secrets with her too.

-         Life is too tough for her, yet still managed to smile. She even guided me with few tips.

-         Seems to appear as a reliable friend.

Girlfriend 4

-         Not always there for me.

-         Whines a lot.

-         Emotionally stable, but not to say strong enough.

-         A good listener, but couldn’t manage to touch my heart with her advices.

-         Helpful though. Although not at all times.

-         Shared quite a lot of my life journeys with her. But still, I’m not fully comfy to unveil everything.

-         Didn’t share much mutual interests with me yet understands me well.

-         I doubt her reliability as a friend to lend her shoulder for me to cry on. 

Girlfriend 5

-         Also didn’t appear to be there for me all the time.

-         I doubt if I ever be in her good friends’ list.

-         Yet, very helpful and gentle.

-         I think, (because I never ask for it) she could be one of my reliable resources for me to seek for help.

-         I didn’t share much of my life tales with her, so does she.

-         Passive; good listener but didn’t seem to know what to respond.

-         Might share few interests with me.

-         If the friendship ever develops, it would be great.

Girlfriend 6 and few others

-         Didn’t bother to spare some time to hang out together, but I think, they are just as caring as the rest I’ve mentioned. The friendships are there, but to develop it, I have to be the one who initiates everything. At certain extent, it does vex me. But what else can I say, life must go on and everyone is now too busy mending their own lives. They might be there for you, but all you need to do, is ASK for it. And as always, friendships are meant forever, but sometimes it’s too impossible to keep things the way they are forever. It might want to change in between.

As a conclusion, I have to tread this life further to judge what type of trend is emerging into my friendship’s journal. It might be too early to say as much as I want to.

I’ve been thinking bout this long time ago, ever since I ever had a partner in life whom I thought I might want to spend the rest of my life with. To some people, it seems “ruthless” to be with someone, just because you feel so sorry to break his/her heart. But I’ve never cast my faith into such kind of dogma. This one kind of belief taught us; we should not bind a relationship with someone just because he/she loves us so much and therefore, we do not have the heart to let him/her down. The belief is later being related to unfairness and insincerity.

Some people are just so, too demanding. Tying lines like, “Please love me for a reason”, “Love me for me”, “Do love me because you really want me” are just so embarrassingly unrealistic. When a person likes another person, obviously, only one side is emotionally attached, while the other side, either being ignorant or unaware about it, or maybe even “what the hell I care if you ever like me?”. Thus, we can never expect a person to return the affection we’re giving in just a nick of time. It definitely takes time for another side to mutually feel the sensation- a good hard work is highly needed though. But for me, to love someone for the sake of sympathy at the first place is not a wrong thing to do, indeed, it is noble. But first thing first, you have to question yourself;

1. How ready am I to be with someone I don’t love?

2. Will I ever love him one day?

3. How strong is my willingness towards this relationship?

4. How strong can I commit myself?

All you need to do is, to consider the opportunity that you’re offering to yourself and to your future life partner. Is it really worth it?

Love can always come later. I strongly believe that when we have a good sense of empathy in ourselves, we tend to develop more kindness, especially to the people who we are so much flattered with their tenderness towards us. And after kindness is reciprocal, love starts to soar. Respect elevates even higher than ever.

And that is what I call love.

The session for IIUM convocation this year has now back. I’ve been counting days for it’s coming, and I just wonder what has actually becoming a pushing factor me to be so enthusiastic about it. I’m done with it, and apparently, I don’t see any welcoming sign anywhere that invites me to be there. Definitely unnecessary! But hell yea, I just want to be there. End of question!

Life back there wasn’t that amusing, and not much things that I can reminisce still. Ordeals seem to be more outstanding since I can actually read out from my lips now and then all the bad things better than the good ones. Not bad for a grudge keeper, huh?

Anyway, despite the hate and nuisance, that place has becoming a pagoda of remembrance, which reminds me, how well, or how bad did I waste or I treasure my youth. Twist and turn, I ought learn something from there. Maybe time ahead would tell. But one thing for sure, humans, yes, you’re just too full of colours!

Any Happy Madison’s production is definitely going to rock a movie hall with its spectators’ guffaw and gulps – at least, it happens to me every time the movies hit the theatres.

For the time being, Happy Madison’s Click is now soaring high, owns a quite honourable number of tickets selling, filling up every seat in the cinema in its first week. And in my personal point of view, I might want to have a second watch.

Having Adam Sandler in a movie, with his favourite cliques have always entertained me. Despite the success he had in 1990’s with Saturday Night Show, I’m not quite sure if he ever started being in a movie earlier than Billy Madison in 1995 but so far he had done a great work consoling my heart which had almost given up on White comedians. As for the Blacks, they are always good with their sense of humor, I hardly deny that. But there’s something about Sandler’s art, the movie is meant to be a comedy with moral integrity blended together! And it’s not always about distorted facial expression i.e. Jim Carrey’s style which is “hey hello, that’s not funny okay?!”.

Coming back to “Click”, as always, Sandler is accompanied by his favourite companion, Rob Schneider. Although his appearance in “Click” is subtle, it displays the good relationship they’re having in real life. Good collaboration exhibits nicely there. This time around, the hilarity revolves around the main character’s life; Newman and how he had being given a second chance to rectify his life mistakes. I think it’s a favourite theme of Happy Madison’s production, the main character should outstand the rest.

Talking about logical, few movies of Sandlers’s are definitely out of sensible options, which I found very relaxing for self-therapy. Overall, and as always happened, I’m fully contended despite I’ve chased a couple by my side with my nasty guffaw and yea, they had to shove to the front seats eventually.

No man hath found glory until he falls,

No man hath found love until he sought,

No man hath laughed until he cried,

No man hath ever appreciated until he lost it.

These are what I’ve learned from my 29 hours of melancholy. And I’ve realized that life is just so long to live and so much to discover.

And how can I expect:

1. I know a person within few times of meetings.

2. A person could actually think the same thing that I’m thinking.

3. My family upbringing system could be similar with somebody else’s.

4. I could sound credible on my first expression.

5. A person to like me with my gasconade tone and facial expression although I don’t mean to appear as such. First looks may deceive. I’m nicer than that, trust me, or shall you judge?

Dearly I guess, it might be advisable for us to think for the worse rather than the better. For that, being discreet is me, being honest is me, being gentle is me, being succinct is me and always bear in mind, being enduring is me.

I always believe that when we’re sick, God actually remembers us more than ever. And I also believe that only with illness and hardships, we could express more hopes and faith on the only God we believe, Allah SWT.

Human beings are full of flaws. It’s like every action we take, flaw embeds together. And I also believe, whenever we are able to achieve the full attention from God i.e. to be in adversity, we are forgiven from our past sins. I guess it’s one of the methods to ensure that we will always seek help and assistance from Him whenever all the possible ways appear impossible.

I guess I’m still remembered, albeit the incessant sins coming my way.

Dear my souL,

Please forgive me for torturing you,

Please forgive me for letting you and the whole body starved,

Please forgive me for leaving you in suffocation,

Please forgive me for taking away your heartbeat,

Please forgive me for deciding something you won’t able to bear,

Please forgive me for taking away your rights to choose,

Please forgive me for the biggest mistake I’ve ever decided for you,

Please forgive me for disapproving your voices,

Please forgive me this time, may God help me some other time to listen more from you.

After all my hard work bringing things back where they deserve, he told me, and I know you’re smiling down there: Once anger besieges you, always think of the consequences. And I know he quoted it from Confucius. He told me many times, it touched you, but never touches my mind.

With my head down as tears covered me all over, I promised you, things would never be the same again. And I pray to you God, give me the full strength to keep this promise.

Have you ever thought of your self-weaknesses? I believe that in order for you to indulge yourselves in a state of bliss, you need to cure your bad patches – learn to minimize and overcome the terror they might cause.

Not everyone owns a stable confidence in themselves. Some are indeed very shaky and I supposed, everything is caused by certain attributes they think are lacking in themselves – in a simple word, a weakness.

Some people may perceive their weakness as their strength. My cousin, for an instance; he weighs more than 130kilos and being in that kind of body, we must have thought that he must be having an extremely low self-esteem. However, surprisingly, it didn’t suffocate him at all because he believes that living up his life as a giant could produce fear from people around him. Indirectly, he’s attempting for a self-escapism from people’s verbal/physical discriminations.

I too sometimes do take my imperfection as strength, but it won’t be applicable at all times and circumstances. And they are just another collection of my dislikings about myself. Here they are:

1. I can be very irrational sometimes.

2. I’m so weak in taking care of my choler.

3. A selfish brat, especially when dealing with family members.

4. Stubborn head!

5. Good at pointing own mistakes towards somebody else.

6. I own suicidal impulses.

7. I hate waiting but always let someone waits for me.

8. A great risk taker, and sometimes even ignores the repercussions.

9. Hurting the people I love. Always. And sometimes, I even take it as; the greater love I have for them, the worse temperament I’m showing.

10. Persistent. Too much at certain times.

11. Engage in rampage easily.

I guess there are too many self-disorders embedded in my soul. Few people who really care have reprimanded me but somehow, I find it so hard to change. I wish I could, someday, one fine moment. Nevertheless, I’m still thankful to be blessed with strong hearts to be by my side despite the tears I’ve caused them. Not once, not twice, and if it’s ever counted, it is just fair enough for them to abandon me.