YOE-ism

Today, I’m back at work again.

As for last week’s note, my leave for Raya wasn’t that entertaining neither relaxing. Everyday was full of rush and headaches. Didn’t enjoy it at all except for the opportunities of tasting the irresistible lemang and rendang. J

And today, at my desk, first thing first, checking my mails – few deadlines are about to hunt me down. I expected them but not as bad as this. Yes, again, just another thing-to-do in my list.

Yesterday’s event really killed my joints and muscles. My body is now aching everywhere. Luckily I didn’t have too many things to stuff into this new place of mine and being a nomad for quite sometime back in uni-times really helped me preparing myself mentally and physically in lifting all those heavy and big stuffs onto the staircases. And I’m really hoping no more roaches or rats are dashing here and there this time.

Hopefully, my hijrah this time worth the fatigue and money I’m willing to invest.

And I’m really looking forward to a brighter day, something which is more out of routines, for the sake of new enlightenment.

What Raya means to me:

1. A day to celebrate our victory over one month fasting;

2. A day to gather with our family members, with all sorts of degrees;

3. A day to visit almost everyone’s house who is also celebrating Raya;

4. A day to purify our sins towards everyone;

5. A day to overeat;

6. A day to dress up super-elegantly; and

7. A day to put on my rusty jewelries.

But still:

I just don’t feeling it this year. For me, it seems exciting because it will be the day, only done once in a year; I actually express my apologies wholeheartedly towards my parents. Kneeling down, it will be expressed verbally and emotionally.

And for the rest of the reasons why Raya is celebrated, is no longer seems meaningful to me except for the gratitude I feel towards the Merciful God to keep me living up till today with the other precious 5 people in my family; celebrating it together.

To all my beloved friends out there, I do apologize for all the wrongdoings, wrongsayings, wrongbitchings, wrongjudgings etc, and I hope this upcoming raya would bring a glorious meaning in your life. Do drive safely and watch your weight. J

I’m so glad we could meet up the other day. It’s been such a long time you’re missing out of my sight. Well, life has putting us up with its hassles all this while, but fortunately, we still manage to seek a perfect time for our perfect slot.

However, I’m still a bit upset with the other few who didn’t make it that day but I guess life is now has changed so much. Few things told really took me by surprise and I tried to console this heart of mine to welcome changes with the opened arms. 

Anyway girls, it’s been 2 years ago when we had the moment to sit together, where I used to hit your eardrums with my wicked heehaw and boisterous jokes. Well I guess, we’ve lost that now. Maybe we can try planning a real-good holiday somewhere in December; before more and more of us attached to a person named “husband”?

What do you thinK?

I would buy us a brand-new UNO set, and also film our wonderful time together. It might be the last one of our lifetime; with only us, and no one else.

P/s: Thinking of all of you and our moments shared could simply bring tears to my eyes.

A declaration:

I’ve attained my Form 3’s weight back this morning!

Last week, my mom told me that she’s so glad that I’ve got the weight-loss enlightenment while I’m still young. That’s a so funny thing about her, always being obsessed with her own foreseen vision.

It was like 13 years back when my mom keeps on reminding me of how disastrous life would be if I’d reach the obesity level, which I don’t really want to waste my time thinking about it. But yes, sub-consciously, I do reside such thought at the corner of my mind as soon as I realize that I’m the only one being eccentric in the family. But still, didn’t care, so what?

I’ve repeatedly mentioned this; obesity runs in my family (my mom’s side). But the lucky part, my mom doesn’t inherit that and the luckier she is when she’s married to a man who comes from a boney background. And due to that combination, her children are safe from being digressed by obesity. However, my part is another different story, the one she worries the most, the one she nags the most and the one she keeps reminding the most.

But recently, she confessed that I’ve eased her a lot with my weight transformation. So I guess, what I am today is for you, ibu.

I know it’s a normal thing for me to feel this; it occurred repeatedly and supposedly, no longer a nuisance.

When I first started to shop for clothes, I never actually care what people would say about me if I dare to wear that. It was nothing much actually, but it has been a debatable issue when I love to dress up myself with stuffs more or less misfit the scarf on my head.

Some people would come clean and say; “I don’t think the scarf on your head serves any function when you dress up like this.” My ears are actually used being battered with such remarks. At first, it disturbed me, but later, I rapidly grew invincible. However, I thought it would end there, in my saint university but it didn’t cease anyway.

A case: I had my walking around my rental place early this week. I was back from my workplace and straightaway went to this food bazaar nearby. My first thought, I didn’t even think about it. But as I stepped out from my car, as soon as I had a first pair of eyes laid on me, I went like; “Ouch, this is not good, really not good.”

But I’m used to it and their looks never intimidated me. But suddenly, there went an unusual ticklish feeling, which I think as figuratively hilarious. People who passed by me dropped their jaws, and some had remarks like;

1. “Fullamak, ni baru betol!” (ape yang betol nie?)

2. “Wuish, tak ingat!”

3. “Astaghfirullahaladzim.”

And not to mention how many of the goers turned their heads back and forth eyeing me. Crap! But I just couldn’t stop giggling. I asked Jan that day, “What the heck with these weirdoes?” and she replied. “In this community, you are the weirdo!”

And I met my one of my best girls, Erra and she snapped like, “bulan-bulan pose ni yoe, x perlu nak pakai camnie” and there went our burst of laughter.

I guess it wouldn’t be an issue if I don’t have this scarf on my head. But yes, I do wear it, not to say rigorously but it’s ON my head every time I’m out of the house. I don’t spot such problem when I’m at the office. Apparently, being in your own race of people don’t put you at ease anyway. And I guess the issue will keep on rising when you’re being different from any one else in your own race. In other words, they have set a standard, and whenever it’s breached, it’s an issue.

It shouldn’t happen to me.

I was too close.

I couldn’t help it.

It shouldn’t happen to me.

I’m always careful.

But why it happened this time?

Why me?

It shouldn’t happen to me.

I can never hurt it.

I’m such a great lover of its kind.

I shouldn’t have done that.

I’m so sorry.

This is such a terrible mistake, on a terrible day.

My life is now miserable.

This guilt is no more bearable.

It shouldn’t happen to me.

I’ve been your saviour throughout my life!

I’ve protected you from harm, I gave you all my love,

But why am I now hurting you?

In fact, I killed you!!

I killed you!

I hit you down to death!

I know you’re dead by now!

I’m so sorry kitty….

I didn’t know you were coming.

It was so close when I saw you..

Why did you dash like that? Why?

As my head spinned, my tears devoured me..

I have to admit this! I am extremely terrified every time my aunts visit me at home. Every time my mom tells me that they’ll be coming over, my head starts to grind; thinking of my next action.

As a matter of fact, they’re really cool, just like the any other typical woman out there – pamper themselves with great brands of products and loads of handbags, make-ups, clothes, shoes, lingerie, diet products and cetera cetera cetera. And that what makes us equal in a way- we enjoy the same interest in money spending, and we could share our opinions together regardless the topics! Plus, they are just 7-8 years older than me and thus, our way of thinking shouldn’t differ way too much.

I can’t deny the fact that I enjoy being with them. I remember when I was 12 years old and they were such young pretty chicks driving a Mercedes Benz back in 1993, with dangling earrings and well-dressed hair (although I used to mock their hairstyle back then). They were so cool indeed. But yes, time passed by, we separated for few years and as the reunion moment came, I just didn’t see the enjoyment I used to feel was coming. Everything was vague, cold and brusque. Plus, they are now married with few kids tailing and our tales seem to be hidden somewhere in my history chest.

But as I grow older, as soon as they learn that I’ve started to dress up brilliantly, they have established a new freelance job which I call as “wardrobe raiders”! I won’t blame them if they adore the way I dress, or embed interest on my might-be good taste, but please don’t steal my stuffs away from me!!!!! And having them in my house for just an hour serves a whole week of nightmares. As soon as they stepped into my house, my room is always their first destination. And it’s like a clue after another; my closet will be their ultimate destination of their hunt. They would raid anything they could, and say:

1. “I don’t think you’ll be needing this anymore, it’d be nice if you just hand it over to me instead.”

2. “You’re slimming down now, you won’t fit this anymore. On me is much much better.”

3. “You have too much of this design, I never had one. Give it to me lahh…”

4. “You know where-what to shop but me, so hard to go out, with kids and everything. So, why don’t you be generous and hand it over to me? You can always replace them.”

Sucks right? Seriously, it is!! Like last weekend, they had like 2 paper bags of clothes shopped from Yoe’s wardrobe. Damn! Yes, it is bad! I wanted to stop them badly but the good deeds they had for me a decade ago deterred me to do so. Nevertheless, for those stuffs I loved so much, I’ve warned them, “If you think you can melt me with those pathetic faces, you better think twice, or maybe more.”

Sounds cruel, but I have to.