YOE-ism

I guess I’m too late to realize its coming,

And even if I do, I guess I will never be ready for its coming.

It’s now my life, my future and my ultimate destiny in life and by not having it around transmits fear all over me.

I may not know how my life would be without its existence, but one thing I know for sure, all smiles and laughter ahead are all nothing but fake.

I wish I am more prepared, and with thy hopes and loves, I hope the agony I’m bound to receive is soon to end and let me later live my life peacefully as the pain is expected to be unbearable.

Being way too occupied like what is happening to me right now is not good either. It must be very enjoying for those who are looking forward escapisms (from whatever it is) as they can ease their minds from being overweighed with lives’ burdens. But I guess in my case, I’m just missing those times when I could lay back with my favorite stack of Cds and books and let my eyes and brain do the work.

As for a brief of what’s going on this week, my roommate, Jan left for her mother’s operation back in her hometown. She’s away for a week and I’m stranded alone in my room. Loneliness is never an issue for me. If I’m too lonely (as I take non-stop babbling and talking are part of my amusements), I always can opt for TV or sleeping as the last resort.

But the weird thing about me is, I’m unable to overcome my fear of being alone.

I guess I’m too imaginative. I always imagine things, which are not there, and most of them are related to ghouls, weird-creatures and supernatural elements. Realistically, I’m being too ridiculous to be true!

As my first revelation, I can never sleep alone!

I always need someone’s companionship (especially at night) and I supposed it’s very stupid!

Most friends I know really take pleasure in having their own room, without sharing it with their siblings or anyone else as they could ornament it in whichever way they want it. I would love that too! But when night glides in, its mist starts to fright me and sends goose bumps all over my body!

My mom wondered, what and when was the turning point that had chased away my strong heart? I remember she separated me from her bedroom since I was 3, and I was totally fine! But as age swallows me, I realize that there must be something wrong with me.

I slept with my parents few times when all my siblings were away. My mom chased me many times but I always had my father who incessantly let me in their room. Embarrassing indeed!

I guess too much movies and TV shows have killed my wisdom and rationality. As an opposite of me, I’m astonished with my sister’s cold heart. She saw “supernaturals” few times with her bear eyes, but she never voices out her fear (or maybe she’s so indifferent about it!). In contrast, I’ve never seen one! She once spent a night on the very top of her college building when everyone else had gone back for semester break. She calmly confessed and looking very much undisturbed that she saw “something” passed by her window but all she did was, walked to the bathroom for a while, came back and closed the window as nothing happened!

Now, I really wish I was her.

Case: I’ve moved to a new place, staying together with its landlord – a young married couple, who are by calculation, should be expecting their first child by next week. They are indeed very young; the wife is only 21, while the husband is 24.

And these are the bits I’ve collected within these two weeks I’m in the house:

1. I could reach my office within 3-minutes of driving!

* I’ve saved a lot on my fuel and mileage.

2. Cyberjaya is apparently, extremely more quiet compared to Putrajaya.

* I’m becoming a very successful loner and I can’t bear with that!

3. My movement around the house is awfully limited! I can’t simply get out from my room to the living room or the kitchen with my nighties or my shorts.

* It’s like I’m not in my own place!

4. I can’t watch TV whenever I want although initially, it’s promised as a provided facility.

* I guess that the saddest part when you’re actually sharing things with someone else.

5. And this is the worse; I can’t actually sleep peacefully whenever this couple had friends in the house, just name the genders, you’ll get it! And I have to lock myself in the room all the times and I even have to peep to make sure the time is right for me to get out to my bathroom (it locates outside of my room). And I have to think twice, should or shouldn’t I dress up properly for my bath? A bath, for God’s sake!

* it makes me wonder, is this really my place?

6. Yet, I’m still enjoying it as I can manage to keep my room clean and neat. And my bathroom, I’m now enjoying my shower to the fullest. Much more comfy than ever although I still need to play hide and seek with the other people in the house.

But to judge it as an absolute worthy place to be, I still doubt it.

I had a call from a friend this morning; requested a blog update from me. Well, I do have a subject matter to talk about but I’ve been thinking all the way; should or shouldn’t I publish it to the public?

But I guess, all of us definitely do have our own most embarrassing moment that we either choose to keep it to ourselves or just unveil it unconditionally.

In my case, I don’t really experienced too many embarrassing moments throughout my life, and if they seem too minor, time will wash them away from my mind after a while. But what I had few months back just couldn’t get out of my head as I still can feel the bashing heat of that moment up till today.

The tale goes like this. 

There was one day when I went Midvalley Megamall with him, it was just such a right moment for this embarrassing jolt when he just dropped me by the taxi stand for some important errands and I was all alone by myself.

That day, I wore a tie-around skirt (some kind of pario), and of course, with a top. I had my tote on my left shoulder and 2 paper bags at my right hand. As he stopped by the kerb, I stepped out from the car and I saw there were many people hanging by for cabs and buses, plus it was weekend, so I guess you can imagine how crowded the place was. He waved me and promised to fetch me within 2 hours time. I smiled and replied the wave.

As I about to start my pace, I felt an unusual sensation around my waist. I switched the paper bags onto the other hand so that I could check out what was going on. As I stared down to my waist, I saw that my skirt’s strings were loosening. No wonder I felt some kind of windy sensation in between. I grabbed the strings instantly but I guess it was too late or perhaps I wasn’t fast enough, the strings had already dismantled its knot and my skirt fell to the ground!!!

I startled, shocked, panicked and almost out of idea of what to do next! Everyone was looking at me! Some even had their jaws dropped and some were showing some kind of sympathy faces towards me. I just didn’t know how much blood had coloured my face, but it was darn HOT! And God knew best, that day I just had the feeling of wearing additional tights underneath the skirt and that had actually saved me from shunning myself away from Midvalley Megamall FOREVER! Or else, I would have only left with my top, my bare legs and my underwear!! O GOD! And fyi, my top was a bit short, just exactly hung by my waist! I guess if anyone there ever slapped me, I wouldn’t feel it either. I was numbed!

And again, God had given me the best reflective system to come up with what to do next. And of course, the tights had become the saviour of the day!! What I did was, I picked up the skirt from the ground, went by the side of the building and re-tied everything back, and this time was a tight and strong knot ever! At the same time, I still couldn’t get all the eyes off me yet! As I was done with it, I walked in a so-called peaceful mood into the building. But the shock was still there since I almost hit a glass in front of me, which I thought as an entrance, yes, my system was still paralyzed! A guy patted me and showed me the right entrance, or else I would have got a bleeding nose instead.

I walked in limply and from there, I started to regain my system stability. When he came back as promised, I told him the whole event and as expected, he laughed super-out-loud! Again, I blushed and almost cried. I started to think; what if somebody had a camera and shot me in? What if they uploaded it on web? What if my story would become an urban legend? L

He tried to make a joke out of it; “Wow, now we have a Marilyn Monroe of the year!!” Duh! Tak kelakarrrrrrrrrrr bole tak???!!!!!

So guys, would you like to update me with your own most embarrassing moment? Come on, let us share!