YOE-ism

Last Sunday, 18^th February 2007, as planned, his entourage finally arrived at my home for their first meeting with my family and I.

I may out of words what to say here, but one thing for sure, I really want to thank God for making it possible, and smoothened all the processes involved. And I also know that all of family members of mine were engulfed with fatigue with all the preparation, but all I can say; all of you have done such a great work and I really appreciate all the efforts taken. J

The discussion between two families went well too. Yes, I’m so glad, indeed!

As for you my dear, thanks so much for everything. I’ve never expected we could get this far, and I promise you; we have got this far, and I won’t let anything ever come between us to separate us, no more again! I will fight for you and I, for as long as you’re willing to fight for our bond’s survival.

I hope what we’ve planned ahead will somehow meet its expectation, and as always, I really hope that God’s light and blessing will be with us all the way, now and forever.

"Definition:

Endometriosis is a condition in which bits of the tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (endometrium) grow in other parts of the body. Like the uterine lining, this tissue builds up and sheds in response to monthly hormonal cycles. However, there is no natural outlet for the blood discarded from these implants. Instead, it falls onto surrounding organs, causing swelling and inflammation. This repeated irritation leads to the development of scar tissue and adhesions in the area of the endometrial implants. It blocks the ovary to ovulate and women who suffered this have the high possibility to not to get pregnant.”

And what it has to do with me?

This post is my 100^th, and therefore, I really want to make it meaningful; at least it should sound very important to me.

When I was young, as the first moment I’ve got my menses, I’ve already suffered from a very bad period pain. The pain just goes on and on, and once I reach the age of 16, the cycle starts to get chaotic; I’ve missed the shot for few months, and sometimes, the shot just dragged for 2-3 months consecutively. Yes, it did trouble me. I’ve gone for few ultrasound checks back then, but repeatedly, the gynaecologists keep on telling me that I am absolutely normal!

Till then, I just stay calm all the way; facing the pain and bearing all the muscle cramps from my waist area till my knee every month! Although I almost collapsed few times, and drenching with tears all the way, I just keep holding strong onto this barrier in my life.

However, few years back, I’ve noticed a new problem has engulfed me. I’m now experiencing the pain that I usually have while I’m on my menses outside the menstrual time. I feel it almost every time in between my menses, but I felt the worst one somewhere last week; which my eyes start to form bloodshot and my nails turn blue. I’ve drained tears and stay numbed for few minutes.

As a result, no matter what it takes; I need another thorough check again this time. There must be something wrong with me! Thus, last Friday, I visit an outpatient doctor, my usual panel clinic and he tells me that I MIGHT have endometriosis! He again emphasizes the word “might” to mitigate my fear, and advises me to visit a gynaecologist to ease my curiosity, as he himself couldn’t be very sure of what is residing “inside” me.

Later that day, there I am, surrounded by pregnant ladies in Gynaecologic clinic; also accompanied by my mother and my youngest brother. The doctor explains to me what endometriosis really is, and gets myself ready for an ultrasound scan. He shows me and explains to me in detail all the insides, and he’s so relieved as much as my mother and I do that he doesn’t find anything unusual. But again, back to the treatment room, he again emphasizes that not all endometriosis can be seen merely with an ultrasound scan. It has to be done through telescopic surgery, which might cost few thousands and he again highlights to me one question; “is it worth it for you to undergo the surgery pain to find out something which is just a minor to you?”

He also stresses out to me few other more acute cases – which the patients come to him with tears and stories to tell; the husbands set them on divorce because they can’t get pregnant, they can’t have sex (as endometriosis is causing the pain) and the bosses at their workplaces send them warning letters of termination for having too frequent leave due to endometriosis pain and THESE are what he calls as severe and the telescopic surgery is then necessary. Hence, he concludes that, what I feel might or might not be an endometriosis, but if I ever experience the difficulty to get pregnant after 2 years of marriage, please do come again and see him. For the time moment being, a normal painkiller pill like ponstan should help to ease the pain everytime I feel it.

I’m relieved now, feeling very much better, although I’ve cried few days due to my fear. So ladies, if you do feel something bizarre in any of your woman’s areas, please don’t think twice to see a specialist. It’s best for you to detect it earlier than the moment you might regret later. As for me, I take this as another challenge in my life, which God has put me through to tame my temper and develop more patience in me, and I know it’s working.

I’m still looking for a tale to tell this time as my mind seems losing its grip of what to share. Maybe I just follow my fingers keep on typing all the subsequent sentences now, and let them tell a story.

February; not much grand events for me, yet there’s one, which is about to hit me next week and I could consider it as a massive one. Tentatively, by 18^th, his entourage will be coming over to hand over the promised ring, or culturally addressed in Malay as “adat merisik”. For some people, it might not necessary to have it, but since my mom never actually allows me to tie an engagement knot, so I guess this event is highly important. Plus, our parents never get to know each other after all, and this is just the perfect moment to set the closer bond between them. Well, I do really hope that this coming gathering will do create a pleasing ambience between my parents and his. Yes, my mom has always own a peculiar feeling when meeting someone at her first time, and most of the time, it is not pleasant at all. And once she feels so, there will be no one in the house could actually put her at ease, not even my dad. My dad is just so helpless to change a decision, once she has located her own conclusion, and yes, I’m used to it. All I ask, it won’t be happening this time, not during the moment I’m about to decide something major in my life.

Another important note; February is a Valentine’s month cum my annual anniversary, which also falls on the same day!

The good thing about it, both of us can celebrate it on the same day, save time and money too. But the bad thing is still there; I just can’t suffice myself of getting only one gift for him representing the two events. I’ve got him one for the Valentine, but what’s for the anniversary? Damn it! And another bad thing, he just celebrated his birthday on last 30^th January and he has got a gift for that too! O dear, why are you digging out my money like this? It’s a very wrong time as I’m dying to save for our wedding! 

Well, I guess I should end here now. The more I let these fingers dominate this writing, the more superfluous stories are coming out!

And yes people, just a quick and brief update – I’ve landed in MNG and Victoria’s Secret warehouse sale yesterday! It is so worth it especially for those who are looking for working attires (pants, shirts and jackets) and lingerie. The first musing I had in my mind of the sale was, I want more bags! But soon I’ve got there; I’ve ended up buying undergarments and no any other. The bags are rags, and really upset me. It’s still on till this coming Sunday, 11^th Feb, so just go withdraw your money and swipe your card, you won’t regret. Only with a hundred, you could have got few stuff! Charming isn’t it?