YOE-ism

I’ve lost touch to this blog couple months back. I may be too lazy to think of what to write or maybe I just refuse to share of what I think. Regardless of the happiness I’ve felt, I’m still nailed down with misery and fatigue. I am not that certain to announce that I will soon meet the prize of the efforts I’ve done so far, but I know, an action should always be taken to get to its end.

What I’ve earned from my past 2 years?

-         Working experience

-         Perhaps my eternal soul mate

-         Lost few friends, met new ones

-         Reality of the world; of how people can change in just a nick of time, how fate could twist within one second and how shattered pieces could coalesce all over again.

-         More colourful antics of human

-         I’m stronger now, always at my best to expect the unexpected although I’ve skidded and stumbled few times here and there.

What I’m currently up to?

-         Planning for another level of life; marriage.

-         Looking forward for another arena of career.

-         Crashing my mind and brawn to cope with few things at one time – trying to be at different places in a same day is so normal for me now and frankly, I think I’ve had enough and I’m so keen to put an end towards it.

What I expect my future will be?

-         I’m not sure for how long he and I will stay as weekend husband, but I really hope it will soon to end. I’m planning to live under the same roof of a marriage, just like other couples do. I think it doesn’t sound right to me to get married but then being away from each other. It’s just too not normal! I usually get highly emotional every time we had this discussion. Yells and screams are just like normal speech for me. Again, I don’t think it’s healthy either. I wish I can plan more for my future but it seems hard to embed such a good dart when you’re not physically being together!

-         I guess I have to be very peaceful at what I’ve chosen. This is the right destiny for me. It might taste so bitter at first, and all I hope, the sweetness of this sacrifice will come aboard sooner or later. It hurts me every time I think of it. Only God knows best the wisdom of all this. Despite I’ve possessed the nature being very ambitious and successful, I just can’t think right when I’m burdened with this thought.

-         I may not know what is out there for me but all I ask, I will be awarded with full strength to go through all the coming tests and barriers soon I will be facing.

As for now, I’m so thankful to know few reliable friends who have been so much help with my wedding preparation and pierce a tick to my head to a better prospect in life. I will finish what I’ve started although I’m currently praying hard for a greater zest in my soul to move on steadily.

Only time will tell.

It’s such a blissful night of the week, to hang out with my one of my best babes, D. Since this is our first time ever had the opportunity to watch movie together, we had made a very rare pick and Mukhsin had become the lucky selection. Well yea, it was a very long time ago I watched a Malay movie in cinema. Most of the times, I just enjoyed watching borrowed VCD at home - more limpid, and more money saving for our movies, which the quality are yet to be determined.

Mukhsin, I must say that its plot is not as strong as the first two Yasmin Ahmad’s productions; Sepet and Gubra. Nevertheless, the way she arranges every character in their position is praiseworthy indeed. Might be as well, a person who never knows what filming and acting all about would skip the amateur level and speeds into a higher level of experience while with working with her.

We watched it in Mines Shopping Complex and I think it was 6 years ago I was last stepped into this building. I barely remember what has changed, but I really love the apparel stores located in it! I’ve gone crazy, what more if it’s with D, another lunatic companion for my shopping purpose! But the time we had was too limited as we had to sprint for our movie and as soon the movie ended, the shops started to end the business too. Maybe next week will do. Another visit, and another gorgeous stuff to grab might be!

Yes, last night was lovely!

Last Sunday, 18^th February 2007, as planned, his entourage finally arrived at my home for their first meeting with my family and I.

I may out of words what to say here, but one thing for sure, I really want to thank God for making it possible, and smoothened all the processes involved. And I also know that all of family members of mine were engulfed with fatigue with all the preparation, but all I can say; all of you have done such a great work and I really appreciate all the efforts taken. J

The discussion between two families went well too. Yes, I’m so glad, indeed!

As for you my dear, thanks so much for everything. I’ve never expected we could get this far, and I promise you; we have got this far, and I won’t let anything ever come between us to separate us, no more again! I will fight for you and I, for as long as you’re willing to fight for our bond’s survival.

I hope what we’ve planned ahead will somehow meet its expectation, and as always, I really hope that God’s light and blessing will be with us all the way, now and forever.

"Definition:

Endometriosis is a condition in which bits of the tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (endometrium) grow in other parts of the body. Like the uterine lining, this tissue builds up and sheds in response to monthly hormonal cycles. However, there is no natural outlet for the blood discarded from these implants. Instead, it falls onto surrounding organs, causing swelling and inflammation. This repeated irritation leads to the development of scar tissue and adhesions in the area of the endometrial implants. It blocks the ovary to ovulate and women who suffered this have the high possibility to not to get pregnant.”

And what it has to do with me?

This post is my 100^th, and therefore, I really want to make it meaningful; at least it should sound very important to me.

When I was young, as the first moment I’ve got my menses, I’ve already suffered from a very bad period pain. The pain just goes on and on, and once I reach the age of 16, the cycle starts to get chaotic; I’ve missed the shot for few months, and sometimes, the shot just dragged for 2-3 months consecutively. Yes, it did trouble me. I’ve gone for few ultrasound checks back then, but repeatedly, the gynaecologists keep on telling me that I am absolutely normal!

Till then, I just stay calm all the way; facing the pain and bearing all the muscle cramps from my waist area till my knee every month! Although I almost collapsed few times, and drenching with tears all the way, I just keep holding strong onto this barrier in my life.

However, few years back, I’ve noticed a new problem has engulfed me. I’m now experiencing the pain that I usually have while I’m on my menses outside the menstrual time. I feel it almost every time in between my menses, but I felt the worst one somewhere last week; which my eyes start to form bloodshot and my nails turn blue. I’ve drained tears and stay numbed for few minutes.

As a result, no matter what it takes; I need another thorough check again this time. There must be something wrong with me! Thus, last Friday, I visit an outpatient doctor, my usual panel clinic and he tells me that I MIGHT have endometriosis! He again emphasizes the word “might” to mitigate my fear, and advises me to visit a gynaecologist to ease my curiosity, as he himself couldn’t be very sure of what is residing “inside” me.

Later that day, there I am, surrounded by pregnant ladies in Gynaecologic clinic; also accompanied by my mother and my youngest brother. The doctor explains to me what endometriosis really is, and gets myself ready for an ultrasound scan. He shows me and explains to me in detail all the insides, and he’s so relieved as much as my mother and I do that he doesn’t find anything unusual. But again, back to the treatment room, he again emphasizes that not all endometriosis can be seen merely with an ultrasound scan. It has to be done through telescopic surgery, which might cost few thousands and he again highlights to me one question; “is it worth it for you to undergo the surgery pain to find out something which is just a minor to you?”

He also stresses out to me few other more acute cases – which the patients come to him with tears and stories to tell; the husbands set them on divorce because they can’t get pregnant, they can’t have sex (as endometriosis is causing the pain) and the bosses at their workplaces send them warning letters of termination for having too frequent leave due to endometriosis pain and THESE are what he calls as severe and the telescopic surgery is then necessary. Hence, he concludes that, what I feel might or might not be an endometriosis, but if I ever experience the difficulty to get pregnant after 2 years of marriage, please do come again and see him. For the time moment being, a normal painkiller pill like ponstan should help to ease the pain everytime I feel it.

I’m relieved now, feeling very much better, although I’ve cried few days due to my fear. So ladies, if you do feel something bizarre in any of your woman’s areas, please don’t think twice to see a specialist. It’s best for you to detect it earlier than the moment you might regret later. As for me, I take this as another challenge in my life, which God has put me through to tame my temper and develop more patience in me, and I know it’s working.

I’m still looking for a tale to tell this time as my mind seems losing its grip of what to share. Maybe I just follow my fingers keep on typing all the subsequent sentences now, and let them tell a story.

February; not much grand events for me, yet there’s one, which is about to hit me next week and I could consider it as a massive one. Tentatively, by 18^th, his entourage will be coming over to hand over the promised ring, or culturally addressed in Malay as “adat merisik”. For some people, it might not necessary to have it, but since my mom never actually allows me to tie an engagement knot, so I guess this event is highly important. Plus, our parents never get to know each other after all, and this is just the perfect moment to set the closer bond between them. Well, I do really hope that this coming gathering will do create a pleasing ambience between my parents and his. Yes, my mom has always own a peculiar feeling when meeting someone at her first time, and most of the time, it is not pleasant at all. And once she feels so, there will be no one in the house could actually put her at ease, not even my dad. My dad is just so helpless to change a decision, once she has located her own conclusion, and yes, I’m used to it. All I ask, it won’t be happening this time, not during the moment I’m about to decide something major in my life.

Another important note; February is a Valentine’s month cum my annual anniversary, which also falls on the same day!

The good thing about it, both of us can celebrate it on the same day, save time and money too. But the bad thing is still there; I just can’t suffice myself of getting only one gift for him representing the two events. I’ve got him one for the Valentine, but what’s for the anniversary? Damn it! And another bad thing, he just celebrated his birthday on last 30^th January and he has got a gift for that too! O dear, why are you digging out my money like this? It’s a very wrong time as I’m dying to save for our wedding! 

Well, I guess I should end here now. The more I let these fingers dominate this writing, the more superfluous stories are coming out!

And yes people, just a quick and brief update – I’ve landed in MNG and Victoria’s Secret warehouse sale yesterday! It is so worth it especially for those who are looking for working attires (pants, shirts and jackets) and lingerie. The first musing I had in my mind of the sale was, I want more bags! But soon I’ve got there; I’ve ended up buying undergarments and no any other. The bags are rags, and really upset me. It’s still on till this coming Sunday, 11^th Feb, so just go withdraw your money and swipe your card, you won’t regret. Only with a hundred, you could have got few stuff! Charming isn’t it?

To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.
By streetlight this dark night,
A séance down below.
There’re things that I have done,
You never should ever know!

And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.

Who walks among the famous living dead,
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed.
And if you could talk to me,
Tell me if it’s so,

That all the good girls go to heaven.
Well, heaven knows

That without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.

Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I’d choke on figure out.
I’m really not so with you anymore.
I’m just a ghost,
So I can’t hurt you anymore,
So I can’t hurt you anymore.

And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?
Let me go!
So, you can, well now so, you can
I’m so far away from you.
Well now so, you can.

It’s reaching the end of the first month of 2007, yet only now I’m able to implement this first piece of writing in welcoming the new year of 2007.

First of all, I would like to thank God for giving me the full strength in completing my year-end project, which has just ended, last 15^th January. It was indeed such a long-hours engagement of work with full of pressure and stress! I guess the strength that bestowed upon me was quite vital, and I just can’t be more thankful! The process went fine although bit fluctuated in between, but at least, I managed to avoid unnecessary cost, which might come from my carelessness while submitting myself wholeheartedly to the program. And now, yes, manage to scream out loud – I’m so DONE with it!

I might be a bit late in starting to jot the events in my new 2007, but I reckon that the best time to do it is when I’m really in the mood of leisure with all smiles I’m able to offer over my face.

As for today, not many tasks cross my desk at the moment, except for entertaining all my beloved Herbalife customers on all the possible inquiries in the world! It’s such a lovable work to do, just go on and keep on talking and advising, very pretty cool for me. And just received a phone call from my mom too, which also serves as a daily routine for me. Her topic for today is informing me that her parents a.k.a. my grandparents are coming over to our house today.

Am I glad? Yes, very glad. I’m just so glad that fortunately, I’m here at my workplace and will be spending my overnights at my rental place for the weekdays which conclude as; I don’t have to meet them! It’s such a great bliss! I know I might sound so cruel, but trust me, out of 100 grandparents; you will hardly find 1 like mine. But again, just to be such a noble daughter to my beloved Ibu, all she can tell me, just let them be, God knows best and no other judge is better than God can be! Yes, you are right my dear mother, but my ears here – left and right are just too deaf to accept any word from their atrocious lips! And dear heart, by now you are just too scarred to bleed more than you should. So what I can do now, keep on smiling and say no other words to them except, “yes”, “no” and “maybe”. At least, I’m satisfying you, Ibu. I just can’t help hearing them acknowledge you as an indecent daughter who just doesn’t know to teach your children in respecting the elders especially those who are closely related.

Yes, my grannies, by blood, you are very close to me. By heart, the love that I’ve imbedded for you long time ago has just faded with time, washed away with your dreadful acts and words towards my family.

I wish my heart is no more obstinate than now. I wish I’m just as forgiving as my mother. I wish I’m just so deaf and numb that I don’t have to retaliate and fight for all the injustices that had ever happened to my family. I’m not that sweet girl anymore. If I’m ever being sweeter, please thank my mom a.k.a. your daughter.

And for those hurters, if you think your tongue and acts are so powerful, just bear in mind that I’m no less malicious than you are. We are family, remember? What runs in your blood, runs in mine.

Final jots before my 2006 ends:

1. I’m sick of the people who are in and out in my rental house. I think that’s just a bad thing when you’re actually living with your landlord who owns too many friends and they just check in and out as if the house is a hotel. You can’t recognize them well as there are too many of them. You can’t figure out the timing they’re in because the door is rarely locked and they just in and out anytime they want. Want to talk about privacy? I’ve lost that since my first week in the house. So, the worst parts are, I can’t simply put my food in the fridge because it will soon be gone as one week passes by. I’ve lost one jar of peanut butter last week and last night, a big box of soybean drink had gone too! (Both were still full when I first left them). O yes, I can’t take it!

- I guess it’s a good thing to have a tenant who simply speaks when she needs to. I have to sustain my right. What I did last night was, I went to my landlord and asked her what was going on. She displayed a startled face! She just didn’t realize who had actually eaten all those. How can those people just simply eat things, which are not theirs? My stuffs are not meant for charity, hello?! I was still keeping my temper together, and I went by suggesting to her that maybe I should start labeling my stuff with “yoe”. She agreed, and I was contented. So, by next week, I will be keeping more stuff with labels as discussed, but if I ever noticed my stuffs have been consumed in any way again, I just know what to do next.

2. I’m clearing my major year-end project by 15^th January. The deadline is so near, yet many things are just not settled. I am excited it’s drawing near as I will be less tensed and less time is spent at the office but to get over with it, maybe couple of weekends from now will be cherished here at my workplace.

3. Resolution? Not much. I just want to start pursuing my Masters as soon as possible. Where and when will be determined later. But the program, yes, it’s here, resides peacefully at the back of my mind.

4. I’m a bit overjoyed for the new launching of Herbalife Facial products this coming 27^th January. I guess I must attend the function. It’s just going to be marvelous!

5. I think I need to do one final shopping before the Year-End-Sale ends! Better late than never!

Finally, a very happy new year to everyone, and those who are celebrating Raya Aidiladha, hopefully it will be cherished with full on penitence and moderation. Lately, quite few disasters assailed Malaysians, and hopefully with this Raya coming by, more mercies will be received from Him to keep us safe, tight together with our families and loved ones till the end. Amin.

I’ve been witnessing few weddings lately and somehow this thought gushes into my mind. It’s something worth thinking, although may sound too trivial to some.

When we had our moments back then somewhere in schools, and campuses, I reckoned friends were the most essential pieces that we were needed to treasure - such very good companions for our classes, our dining times, our tears and laughter. And to make it cornier, we promised each other to bound ourselves in this precious relationship forever.

However, just how intangible promises are, there is no way for us to keep it safe till the end. The relationship is somehow loosening its knot as each one of us is heading towards our personal careers, as well as personal prospects and plans.

And I guess it’s just simple; the friendship is there, but the intensity is diminishing bit by bit. Might be as well, if none is making the first move to revitalize the bond, it will just fade away without we’re even realizing it. Few factors such as distance, marriage, and working commitments are the evil powers, which persevere the faded solidarity.   

Again, I think it’s true, once we’re heading different ways in lives, friends are just like stars; there are too many of them and you just have to keep on looking up on them to make sure they’re really shining upon you. And if they’re not, I think there’s just no reason to care when they are too lazy to bother.

Many of you are still in daze of how on earth did I lose my weight.

I guess I have explained it to few, yet still missing out another few.

However, after toiling myself for 8 months, now I’m ready for a proclamation. J

Herbalife. One name, which stands 80%, aliened to me 8 months back.

It did bang my memory somewhere that I can’t recall back then, but I can’t figure out any information about it. The knowledge was totally zero.

At first, I was skeptical. Hence, I guess that is just my natural temperament, but deep within me, I was struggling to suppress the resilient voice telling me, “Go, and try that!”

Well, I was defeated by that voice, and I did go and gave it a try.

I didn’t really bother if I ever lost my weight or not, but the part which astonished me the most was the financial earning.

So, I guess, since the product was very new in Malaysia, a thought came into me, “maybe I can be among the first people making a great breakthrough of Herbalife in Malaysia.”

As I had the products with me for the first time, I consumed it impishly. I still took a lot of fatty food and broke rules here and there. But after a month, after the thought of money came into mind, I started to think twice.

“What good does it give to other people if it doesn’t seem to serve any good to myself?”

And after the second month, I tried to behave. From second month to another one, I’ve seen the great change in me. Few kilos had gone and I started to believe that “I really can lose my weight with this!!”

I moved forward ecstatically.

And now, from a girl who is weighed 81 kilos, I’ve turned out to be 62 kilos-lass.

I do have my aim of my targeted weight. And I’m still here, still going strong to that bull’s eye on my dartboard.

Bout the money thing, yes, it is worth it.

The more I’ve lost, the more trust I’ve gained from people. And I’m so glad today that I’ve finally helped a group of people who really trust me and the miracles of Herbalife.

I will stay stronger in Herbalife, making good health and wealth out of it. Many people have done it all over the world!

And if they can, why wouldn’t I?

Here are some images of this huge transformation.

And do believe it. J